This Adventure Called Life

Here lately I have felt like something was missing in my life...I'm not 100% sure what it is that is missing; I just know something is missing.  I haven't had any passion or drive and that really bothers me.  Growing up I typically thought of myself as having both passion and drive but here lately I haven't felt it. 
Now that I can admit that to myself I have been trying to figure out what to do about it.  I feel like my degree was just an easy out and not something I was truly passionate about.  I just have no desire to find a job that has anything to do with my degree.  After I graduated college I just felt like oh ok who cares, that didn't sit well with me.  So now I need to figure out what I want to ultimately do with my life and where I ultimately want my life to go.  I am going to attempt to blog again to help me discover the answers to these things.  I just know I need some kind of change...hopefully I can find myself on the right path to change.

If

If I asked you to care,
Would you dare?
If I cried,
Would you be there for me?
If I were to ask you for a friend,
Would you be one to me?
If I cry,
Will you cry with me?
If you ask for help,
I'll be there.
If you cry,
I'll make you laugh.
If you die

You’ll go to heaven

And hopefully wait for me.

If I die,

I’ll go to heaven

And wait for you.

If you leave,
I will follow.
If you’re lost,
I will guide you.
If I tell you a secret,
Would you keep it?
If I fall,
Will you help me up?

If you knew you were going to die tomorrow,

What would you do?

If you live to be 100 years,

I want to live to be 100 minus one because…

I can’t live a day without you.

If…

Holidays

So it is almost Valentine's day...A day I used to boycott in grade school as well as just object to.  I feel the idea of Valentine's day is not heartfelt...To me when you love someone you should show them some form of love and appreciation everyday, not just one day out of the year.  To me it is a huge Hallmark holiday.  Although I do not whole heartedly believe in the idea of Valentine's day, I do respect that others do and it is a big thing for them.

So when it comes to holidays for me, I usually try to come up with creative ways to show the people around me I appreciate them and love them.  For instance at Christmas I usually send my parents something meaningful and write them something.  I remember one mothers day I wrote my mom a poem (which I am sure is somewhere around her house) and she called me telling me I almost made her cry.  Last year I made my significant other cards for each holiday and just wrote from my heart.  So here we are again as we approach one big holiday around love, I am trying to come up with ways to show people I love and appreciate them, it gets hard after setting the bar so high for yourself.  I just have to remind myself that it is the little things that matter most in life.

So we will see...

Moving from 2010 to 2011

So it has been awhile since I have written in my blog.  So this year I am going to try and write in here more.  Well first off, I think 2010 was a fairly good year for me.  I continued a pretty awesome relationship.  I worked for some great clients within the company I work for.  I also started working for one of the greatest families I have met.  They have 2 wonderful kids that make me enjoy coming to work.  I graduated college, which I feel deserves recognition.  But anyways...that's enough about the past...

I welcomed the new year with open arms and totally look forward to all it may bring my way.  Even in the first 2 months of the new year I have loved it.  I have become a healthier person and someone who is for once looking forward to the things to come.  I have always known I needed to be a healthier person (even in high school), but I never really was motivated enough to do anything and kept just putting it off until a later time.  Well within the first week of January I just got up and decided I'm gonna do it and I did.

I began my journey to a new and healthier me.  I have so far managed to add more color to my diet and each meal, I wake up feeling better about myself and the day, and I have lost weight; which was much needed.

At first my thoughts were that I wasn't gonna be able to do it or that I didn't have the self-control to do it.  But as I continue to push myself to new limits, I find myself beginning to become the person I used to be.  The kid who grew up and was one of the most confident people around and would talk to anyone.  As I gained weight in high school and college I lost a lot of myself and who I was and wanted to be, I especially lost my self-confidence; which was huge to me.  I needed that back.  So instead of sitting on my ass 24/7 I get up and get out.  I honestly can't remember the last time I went to the driving range for self enjoyment, but about two weeks ago I did and it was awesome, just to be out and doing something active and fun.  I plan on starting to play tennis as the weather gets a little warmer on a consistent basis to continue to keep me focused and motivated.

I hope that my new journey will lead me to a place where I can be me in all situations and not have to fake happiness.

Here is my 2010 in some photographs:

Finally a college graduate

Brooke, Mary, Zoe, Donny, and myself went to the drive-in theater

Brooke and I drove to Florida to see my dad...

We spent a lot of time on the city pier

My sister got married...Congrats! Love you!

Life is short

As I sit here and stare at this photo and take myself back to this moment, before the world was awake, before there was chaos...I try to remember that PEACE within myself. As I sit awake, instead of sleep; I try to repair the peace within myself and recover from the events that unfolded tonight.

Tonight was very frustrating. The constant power struggles still trudges on. I wish for once in my life I could walk around knowing that I will not get judged and ridiculed by my own family for the way that I chose to live my life. I wish they would see that I am being true to myself and living my life happily. I have to say it a lot and I feel that I should not...I am who I am and am not going to change based on what you want. I will change to make myself a better person. When things are said and done with, I will be judge based on the person I was, not the things I had or the facade that was placed in front of me, but for how I treated others, what I accomplished, and what my successes were. If you can not accept me; that is fine, I do not ask you to. But if you can not; then please keep your words to yourself. I will not be someone I am not and walk around this earth miserable as I see so many others doing, it is not in my nature.

You can label me all you want, you can judge me, but until you attempt to get to know me; please do not force your image that I should be on me...it is not me. Since I was born, I have been trying to find my place in this world and figure out who I am and where I belong...well I will continue to do so until I die. I feel that every time certain things come up, I am forced to questions things within myself and without those conversations I would not question them...I have felt comfortable with who I have become up until now and wish that you could accept me as your daughter, as a young lady, and as the person I am. I know it may be hard, but who I am has not changed for a while and it will not, but there is no need to object your outburst onto me nor do you need to force me to be the person you want or the one that you want society to see. I do not fit into society's box of a "girl" and I will not, but who says I have to?